Five Things That Never Happened to Sherlock Holmes
by Pompey
Summary: A series of short stories/drabbles examining some AU situations. Three are very dark, two are much more light-hearted.
1. No Man Is An Island

Holmes – 5 things

Sherlock Holmes had never been a man to invite friendship. A lone dog could accomplish as much as a pack, and sometimes even more (as his experience and observation of Scotland Yard convinced him.) Still, man is by nature a social animal, else solitary confinement would not be so great a punishment. Holmes had the occasional social visit by Lestrade or Gregson, or from one Yarder or another. Surely that was sufficient company. It was just as well no one had surfaced as a flatmate for the Baker Street rooms. His lodgings on Regent Street were sufficient and he did not have to compromise his privacy.

After ten years as the world's only private consulting detective, loneliness had become such a way of life with him that he quite failed to recognize it as aberrant. He noted his desire to indulgence in cocaine and morphine had increased but failed to realize why.

When Moriarty confronted him in his rooms, Holmes had little doubt he would die in the pursuit of bringing the Napoleon of Crime to justice. He had little regret but was annoyed at the dull, nagging feeling that he had neglected something. What nonsense. He had dedicated his life to the elimination of crime; what could be more noble than that?

With the Reichenbach roaring about them, Moriarty asked if Holmes wished to leave a message to anyone. "Any loved one, any friend? Perhaps a colleague at the Yard?" Moriarty suggested with a knowing sneer.

Suddenly pale and sick with understanding, Holmes snarled a decline and the death struggle commenced.

Both bodies were found within the week.


	2. You See But You Do Not Observe

"You See But You Do Not Observe"

"It could have been much worse," Holmes said, his cheerful tone quite incongruous with the bandage about his face.

"It was bad enough already," replied Watson, trying to master his anxiety. "An exploding boiler is not something I'd care to encounter a second time, even if we did manage to live through it again."

"Well, I promise to avoid such situations in the future, if it is at all possible."

Watson muttered something under his breath and went about removing the bandages and cotton pads over Holmes's eyes. Slowly they opened. Holmes blinked, twice. There was a long, tense pause.

"You can light the lamp now, Watson," the detective said, voice tight.

His own voice anguished, Watson whispered, "The lamp _is_ lit, Holmes."


	3. A Marrying Man

"A Marrying Man"

There were not many flowers, but the arrangements were tasteful. Their scents were sweet but light, not cloying.

The bride was not inherently beautiful but her wedding day had endowed her with an inner radiance. She had foresworn impractical lacy flounces in favor of a simple cream ensemble that would be appropriate as everyday wear in spring or summer. She did, however, have a veil. The groom, equally practical, wore his best suit with shoes so freshly polished they nearly glowed.

The groom and bride shared their first kiss as a married couple while the small but supportive group of guests cheered.

At the reception, Watson cornered Holmes and smirked. "There now, that wasn't so bad."

Holmes grinned and self-consciously rubbed the band of gold on the fourth finger of his left hand. "Try everything once, as the old Roman said."


	4. Bearer of Bad News

"Bearer of Bad News"

Keeping in mind her family's heart trouble, Holmes asked her to sit. Her face had gone pale, her eyes wide and frightened. She knew. Not the details, of course, but she knew. He found himself grasping her hand.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered hoarsely. "We were ambushed by a gunman. He . . . it was a direct shot to the chest, instantly fatal. He did not suffer."

Mary Watson dropped her head into her hands, gasping in shock and anguish. Holmes watched helplessly until she started to sob. Only then did he dare embrace her, one tormented soul with another, and let his own tears fall.


	5. A Scotchwoman's Breakfast

"A Scotchwoman's Breakfast"

Mrs. Hudson worried about Mr. Holmes after Dr. Watson married and left Baker Street. Without the doctor's influence, the detective looked after his health even less. His meals became even more erratic, even more untouched.

Determined, she experimented with recipes. One for sticky toffee pudding seemed to go over exceptionally well. Soon it was understood the only dessert to be served to Mr. Holmes was that particular pudding. Eventually, it was understood that the pudding was to be served once a day. Once in a long while, sticky toffee pudding found its way to his table twice a day.

As the months went on, Mrs. Hudson was taken aback by the success of her experiment but she couldn't help but wonder if this wasn't a case of too much of a good thing. The man who had twitted his best friend for gaining half a stone after marriage had put on three times that.

"At least he's eating something," she sighed as she let out the seams of his trousers yet again.


End file.
